Ask The Expert: Boys And Sex–Talking to Guys About the Hookup Heritage

Ask The Expert: Boys And Sex–Talking to Guys About the Hookup Heritage

Dear Your Child:

We heard Peggy Orenstein’s meeting on NPR and i came across it extremely unsettling. It is possible I was sad that girls are giving but not getting that it’s a generation gap but. Orenstein’s research just centers on girls. I became wondering whether there is any research on guys and their viewpoint on this “hookup culture”. I’d like to imagine that both girls and boys are wired for love and relationships but We wonder if that model is broken.

PROFESSIONAL | Dr. David Anderson

For moms and dads, the notion of their teen or young adult participating in sexual intercourse is just a concern that is frequent. Within my just work at the little one Mind Institute, it is fairly common with any teenager or young adult to have one or more treatment session (and in most cases a minumum of one session with moms and dads as well) centered on decision-making, consent, and security since it pertains to sex or romantic relationships. Plus it’s very nearly inescapable that parents and teenagers will at some time must have some delicate and conversations that are awkward.

Hookups are usually thought as sex of some sort (not always sex) minus the expectation of the relationship that is committed. Surveys do indicate that a greater portion of men look for hookups. They truly are confident with a wider selection of intimate tasks, and feel more definitely about hookup culture. But, studies additionally emphasize the overlap that is significant the sexes on reports of both negative and positive emotions/consequences after and during hookups. Furthermore, even when the portion might be reduced for men, a lot of both sexes nevertheless prefer committed relationships. That is one major huge difference with hookups vs dating.

Boys And Relationships: Let’s Talk Hookup Community

So hookup culture, for better or even worse, will still be a effective force in the growth of teenagers. We should make sure to supply the support that is right navigating these challenges. Here are a few a few ideas for chatting with children about hookup culture:

Emotional Consequences of Setting Up

Both during and after a hookup, feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, and regret are still quite common while many teens and young adults experience positive emotions. We want to make sure that young adults have open lines of communication whether they seek support from parents, friends, or a mental health professional. You want to assist them discuss their emotions. We would like them to be assertive inside their decision-making procedure, and (frequently most of all) start thinking about others’ needs and emotions.

Secure Intercourse

Considering the fact that the most of teenagers and adults will possess some knowledge about hookups, they probably have trusted adults who are able to have those embarrassing but extremely essential conversations about safe intercourse. While condom use has grown in the us within the last few years, present studies of teenagers and teenagers suggest notable increases in the frequency of unprotected oral sex, underestimation of this risks of STIs, and lots of hookups involving unprotected vaginal intercourse.

The Part of Alcohol

Research highlights the major part that alcohol plays in facilitating hookup behavior, specially binge drinking. Liquor consumption is connected to impaired decision-making. You will find a host of conditions that must be discussed with teenagers and adults that are young how exactly to guarantee safe and consensual interactions whenever one or both events are intoxicated by liquor or medications.


This can be possibly the least discussed yet most topic that is important the context of hookup tradition. Studies of heterosexual hookups reveal that a greater portion of males search for hookups. It reveals that guys may overestimate a lady partner’s comfort with intimate habits, and that as much as 8 per cent of sexual encounters can be regarded as undesirable and even nonconsensual.

Secure, Consensual, Mutually Enjoyable Sex

Whether it’s into the context of a hookup or even a committed relationship, opposite-sex or same-sex sexual encounter, it is vital to convey to the kids that both events should feel that they will have the capability to make certain that intercourse is safe and consensual also to advocate for mutual satisfaction. And that is a note this is certainly way too usually lost amidst the difficulties of adolescence and adulthood that is young.


Dr. David Anderson is just a clinical psychologist with ny City’s Child Mind Institute, a completely independent nonprofit specialized in changing the everyday lives of kids and families fighting psychological state and learning problems.